Holmes Family Newsletter

Holmes Family Newsletter vol 5 no 3

by Bill- 1998-08-09

A Face in the Crowd

Vol. 5, No. 3, May 25, 1993

Eleanor Gets License

After taking the DMV driving test every year since the age of 16, Eleanor has finally passed and been given her drivers license!

"It just goes to show that perseverance pays off," said Eleanor.

Bill Moves

In keeping with his religious belief of moving once a year or so, Bill has done just that. His new address is: _____ Woodbine Street, #_, Los Angeles, CA 90034, (310) xxx-xxxx. Bill currently leads the Holmes family's ongoing Moving Contest by about 7 moves. You were aware there was an ongoing contest, weren't you?

Greg Builds Computer

How'd he do it? Well, after several hours of slaving over a hot computer, Greg says, "I took it to the place I bought my new one from and, for a fee, they set it up for me!"

Diane Crashes Motorcycle, Buys Table

Diane took her first ride on her Honda Rebel 250 the other day. She rode around the front and back yards. The seat height is low enough so that she can easily keep from falling by putting her feet down. She only fell once when riding over a small branch [just a twig, really].

Also, Diane got her big, fancy electric [chiropractic] adjusting table recently. As of this writing, she had used it for one patient so far. It takes three people to move, and that's because it has wheels on one end, otherwise you'd need four people to carry it.

Doug Goes To Swap Meet

Doug went to his first computer swap meet recently at Cal-Expo. There was a $6 entry fee but, says Doug, it was worth it. He bought three FAX/Modems — one for Dad, Jeannie and himself. They were only $25 each and the company is local (Byte Brokers by A.R. College in Sacramento), and if they don't work, Doug says "I'll complain." [As it turns out, they didn't work, and he took them back.] Another thing he got was some software called 386MAX for $39. And last but not least, he purchased CorelDraw3! We're all pretty excited about it.

Speaking of Doug, he just recently finished his Mother's Day weekend selling personalized mugs at the mall, and reportedly had a fantastic week of sales!

Tiffany, Thomas At It Again

During a May 1st horse show, John & Jeannie's daughter, Tiffany, and her horse (whatever its name is) finished first in both Trail Class and Western Pleasure, 2nd in Western Equitation (whatever that is), 6th in Showmanship, and she earned the title "Reserved Champion" in the 12 & under class. And by the time you receive this newsletter, she will have participated in another horse show on May 15th.

Look for Tiffany and her horse to be running in next year's Kentucky Derby.

Thomas is playing t-ball for the Oakland Athletics' t-ball farm club in Lathrop. At this writing, the team was half way through the season, and they were on a winning streak. Go team!

Andy Earns Karate Belt

Greg & June's son, Andy, has been taking karate lessons. And guess what? Well, you probably guessed that he's earned a karate belt, but that's just because you cheated and read the headline! What you probably didn't know is that it was a yellow belt. Did you even know that there was a yellow belt?

Anyway, if you've always wanted to hang out in dark alleyways but didn't because you were afraid, now you know who to call for protection.

Lucy Goes To Philadelphia

Nobody knows why. She just seems to like to go to these far-off, exotic places like Philadelphia, Fresno, Bakersfield, etc. We're guessing it had something to do with her DMV undercover detective work.

Steve Opens Computer Dealership

Yes, that's right folks. Just ask Denise. When Steve came home with 8 IBM XTs, it just confirmed the rumor. Actually, Steve has purchased these old used computers for his math classes. Steve has lots of computer programs he has written or stolen to make math more fun and interesting, even understandable. So, with the other 20 or so Apple and Tandy computers he already has, Steve has about one computer per 2 or 3 kids. And all this is out of his (or Denise's) own pocket. What a guy!


Living In L.A.

Living in L.A. is a lot like reading a book that you'd heard was good. From what you've read so far, you're not impressed. But you keep reading anyway, hoping that eventually it'll get better. The only problem is, it doesn't get much better and, after having finished the book, you find yourself wondering how it ever got such a good reputation.

A lot of people moving to Los Angeles from other parts of the country and the world (and practically everyone in L.A. comes from somewhere else) spend most of their time driving around town trying to find that "certain something" that they "know" must be there. Sadly, when they finally realize that "it" doesn't really exist, that "it" is just another Hollywood movie prop, they return, disillusioned, to their home town.

L.A. people are shallow, and they're proud of their shallowness. It's a running con in L.A. Everyone tries to see how "deep" they can pretend to be while still maintaining their shallowness.



Father & Son On Front Page

Lionel Holmes's (aka Dad) work was recently published once again in the Portuguese Heritage Journal (see back page) where he interviewed "Mr. Portugal" (Frank Dias) of Sacramento. Both the article and accompanying photo of Mr. Dias, taken by Doug, made the front page (of course). The article even mentioned Dad's and Doug's partnership in "PortuCal Press" which will publish genealogically-related material.

Something equally amazing is Doug's first ever published article, "Acquiring Czech Republic and Slovakia Phone Books," appeared in the Nase Rodina ("Our Family") newsletter of the Czechoslovak Genealogical Society International, Spring issue. This article also proved to be front page material, and Doug even received a call from a reader in New Jersey asking for more help with research of his surname in Hungary and Slovakia.

Rumors are rampant that William [redacted] Holmes (aka Bill) will be published by Bantam Books this Fall. It is a fantasy/sci-fi thriller yet to be titled. The publishing deal is reportedly in the seven figures range. Way to go, Bill! [For details, see interview of Bill.]

In a related story, Lionel Holmes reports a ceremony in August in which he will be knighted by the Portuguese government. He will henceforth be known as "Dom Leonel" to all but his immediate family, who may address him as "Sir Dad."


[The following letter is in response to last issue's "Lunch at Jack In The Box" story. It's only in the interest of fairness that we're re-printing it here. We give this letter an "R" rating. Sensitive readers will most likely find it objectionable.]